The Sounds of Silence

I have had enough. 6 months of radio silence has been too much for these ol' legs to bear. Sure, Ratt sucks as a human and doesn't deliver on his duties. That much is clear. But that is what we get for inviting an AIDS riddled lesbian to the Memorial in the first place. Your title of Director of Audio & Visual of The Memorial has been stripped. You are now title-less AND trophy-less. Good luck with that!! I have a suggestion for your next job: I can't wait to cram your head up someone else's ass in a few weeks in the Fantasy championship!!

Enough bitterness. Can you believe it is almost Christmas!? Christmas equals a new year and a new year equals a new Memorial. A new chance to take home the hardware! January is when the invitations go out. I can not express to you the happiness that I get in knowing that we now have a pool of 14 dudes to fill our roster out. It doesn't look like we should ever be scrambling to get that 12th member. Huge. Although I may prefer scrambling than being partnered up with Rat Newhouse in 2011.

Another interesting story is the redevelopment of Memorial Barn. I have not seen it nor have I seen pictures, but the word is that Memorial Barn was used for a wedding reception over the summer and looked to be in pristine condition! For those who saw the clean-up job that Beard did, it is no wonder! But hopefully we don't get an avalanche of snow and rain to derail any progress to The Estate. Although I must admit that I prefer a simpler, shoddy and run down Barn. But regardless, it is 100 times the host that the Red Oak Chalet was.

2010 was an obstacle with Krista's wedding and Beard's wedding falling within 2 weeks of The Memorial. 2011 should be a bit smoother. Joe Nacho's wedding is in June but we all know he'll be slinging nachos at us each Wednesday from St Patty's Day on (as long as he can end his holdout). We lost another single competitor as The J-Man decided to take the long walk off the short pier known as the aisle in October. J-Man marks the 3rd official competitor to be married with Brisket Holloway and Joe Nacho nipping at their heels. If I were a betting man, I would make a bunch of money by betting on me to be the last competitor to get married. Unless I meet some stripper and fall madly in love of course. For those who were not in attendance, I would say that this picture sums up the weekend pretty nicely. Good old Papa Beard. Although, I feel like Means is looking into my soul. What followed this picture was Greg puking like he had just completed Blind Man's Beer! And this was BEFORE the reception! That's what happens when you wake up at 8 am to go watch a Dave Wannstedt coached team. Top it off with a solid helping of Dave Cobb and, voila, Greg is puking!

In summary, we have the following:

-2011 Memorial planning is underway

-Cobb is married; Greg puked

-Ratt sucks at life

See you at Guffy Estate!

Mid Week Nacho Break: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!!!!!!

Gentlemen,
We are almost there. The moment we wait all year for. The moment we've trained our whole lives for. The Memorial.

A few recent happenings have put some questions in play. I, and I'm sure all of you, believe however that these are only minor obstacles.






1. Rick, Ratt, Craig, and Biz are on a bender for the ages. I received a telegram yesterday stating that Rick slept in the suit he wore to Krista's wedding for 3 days straight. Will this affect their performance? If I were a betting man, which in fact I am, I'd put my money on it helping their abilities. But will all of this partying affect the old bones of Ratt and The Biz? We will see. I know that next year I'm just taking this whole week off, going to NYC and getting absolutely destroyed with Biz and whoever else wants to participate in The Memorial takes Manhattan.

2. I hear Ratt came down with some sickness and Larry sent him some antibiotics and told him
"You can't be sick for The Memorial." This is just amazing.

3. How will The King handle his obviously exagerrated 50 lb.weight gain? When he stares Meltdown Lake in the eye Saturday morning, what will be going through his mind? Am I going to sink? I'm going to get you back you bastard lake!!!!??? Again, we will see. Let's all hope he brings some 5 hour energies though. Those are always a smart way to get pumped up and yell at your partner for 15 minutes leading up to every event.

4. How will Big SweaTy handle an 80 degree sunny day? For SweaTy this is like playing basketball on top of a burning hot stove. How will he handle looking/feeling like he just spent 8 hours doing can-openers into an above ground pool full of Crisco? One things for certain, his enthusiasm, as always, will be at an all time high.

I can't wait until Friday night!! It's almost here. The laughs and High-5's will be flying, the beers will be getting chugged, and Bowler's nose will be gushing blood soon!!! The big question, who will take home The Memorial Cup of Champions, will be answered. This is going to be awesome. I'd like to thank you guys for letting me write this column after only competing once. It means a lot. Next year I plan on going a step further by taking all of the blog columns, adding a page on each competitor, getting people to "pledge" their well wishes to the competitor of their choosing, getting some fake advertisements from Orange's, Dominic's, Harry's, etc. made (get your drawing hand ready Thunder!) and publishing a 4-color Media Guide to be handed out on site.

I will see you at The Guffey Estate!

-Nacho

Mid week nacho break: Tardy as hell addition

Gents,

I sincerely apologize for the tardiness of this post. Work has been driving a 2 foot wang into my blogging time and then for some reason I couldn't access the blog. This won't make up for it, but at least you guys won't starve.

First item of business that I'd like to address is officially naming the landmarks of the property we call home for 3 nights (2 for King and Jigs). You guys can argue about this in the comments but I DO feel very strongly about this subject.

The property as a whole shall be referred to as "The Guffey Estate"

The barn that we sleep in shall be called "Memorial Barn"

The deck on the lake shall be referred to as "Gene's Deck"

The lake that we swim in shall be named "Meltdown Lake"

Any mud on the property shall be referred to as "Steve's bath"

Now that that's decided let me just say that my borts are drenched in a goo that can only be caused by one thing....Memorial fever. The rookie jitters still linger, but I come into this year with a newfound confidence in not only my ability to compete, but more importantly to have even more laughs and high-fives given that I know all of you much better than I did going into last year. I'm excited to see an old friend, Dahar, compete and am also looking forward to see Rattsfield, who I beleive created my nickname, live up to the lofty Plundo Memorial standards. I really can't wait.

Lastly, with new friendships comes new freedoms. It is with this freedom that I feel obligated to show those who haven't seen it a forwarded email (and left it unedited) that I received this week concerning our very own Beekeeper. It's a heartwarming tale of love at first site. Enjoy:

HI I HOPE YOU TRIP WAS VERY WELL

and i would like more time whit you but i don´t understand your friends

jejeje

I wait like mexico but como back an other vacaciones.

nice too me you gregorio!! and wait has a good day

bye bye

sorry for my english

all i gotta say to that is jejejejejejejejejejej!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long Live the King!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that there have been rumors circulating around the blogosphere about who will be our 14th member now that Ricky Tsunami has decided to end his monumentally long hold out. And it is with much excitement and happiness that I am happy to announce the official return of a decorated veteran: a BORTs clad Jon "The King" Plundo!

He was heartbroken to announce back in March that he did not expect to be able to physically perform at the 2010 Memorial due to minor surgery. However, with his doctor's permission and Leeno's failure to object, The King has thrown his hat back into a star studded 2010 ring! Looks like El Jiggerino better break out that hazing pamphlet and see what the rules are for hazing fellow brothers or veterans in our case.

The King states that he intends on being 100% and ready to roll up at Guffey cabin this year! So, for those keeping score at home we have 14 members ready to roll on May 29, along with Peezy the Refereezy of course:

1) Rhino
2) Bowler
3) Legs
4) The King
5) Bluebeard
6) Beekeeper
7) Jiggaman
8) Mughandle
9) Rick Douglas
10) Joe Nacho
11) Sweaty Big
12) Biz
13) Rattsfield
14) Thunder

Huge list. F that "Dream Team" list from 2008. This field dwarfs that field ten-fold!

Mid-Week Nacho Break: Ramblin Gamblin Men

Here is a list of prop bets I've come up with for the 2010 Memorial. Some of these we could actually bet on, some not considering everyone is getting to read this. O/U stands for Over/Under, if there is a (+) or (-) that is the payout. Enjoy:



The Four Beer Beer Chug
O/U winning time 15.5 seconds
O/U pukes during event 7.5
Tire Toss
O/U winning toss 63 feet
O/U foil pipes smoked by Peezy by the conclusion of this event 3.5
Shuttle Run
O/U winning time 28.5 seconds
O/U minor/major muscle pulls 2.5
O/U bad beer rulings 1.5
Dead Man's Carry
O/U winning time 26 seconds
Legs' falling -115
Thunder ACL failure +225
Biz ACL failure +200
King's failure to give AMPLE instructions to his partner -1600
Blind Man's Beer
O/U winning time 1 minute 20 seconds
O/U pukes during event 3.5
O/U time of King's strategy/motivational session with partner prior to event 23 minutes
Famous Egg Toss
O/U winning amount of throws 9.5
Ratt and teammate win event +110
Nacho and teammate win event and Nacho eats raw egg -110
Swiminator
O/U winning time 50 seconds
King does another pencil -105
Someone drowns +400
Some kid asks if we are gay -300
The Great Canoe Race
O/U winning time 1 minute 25 seconds
Legs' or King's canoe capsizes +150
O/U amount of laps swam by Steve 9.5
Log Toss
O/U winning toss 48.5 feet
O/U foil pipes smoked (total) by Peezy by the conclusion of this event 11.5
The Eliminator
O/U winning time 1 minute 12 seconds
O/U amount of pukes 5.5
O/U bad beer rulings 2.5
Tug-O-War
O/U injuries 1.5
Rhino/partner win -300
SweaTy destroys my pelvis again +125
Final 4 Beer Beer Chug
O/U winning time 19 seconds
O/U last place time 31 seconds
O/U pukes 6
O/U high fives and manhugs at the conclusion of event 1,650

Miscellaneous
O/U amount of Memorial records broken 5.5
SweaTy arrives with an unreal mustache -350
Thunder arrives with an unreal mustache -200
O/U amount of times we listen to "The mountains win again" during the weekend 214.5
O/U time of King's saturday breakdown 12:45pm
Someone pukes till their nose bleeds Friday night -300
O/U amount of times I hear the phrase "Jr. 1 bedroom" 7.5
O/U amount of times Jigs refers to Biz's hair 16.5
One of the Plundo's leaves with the Cup +200
King competes -400
O/U time of Mr. Guffey's first story about big titted hussies gets told Friday 7:30 pm
O/U time of first Borts sighting Saturday 11am
O/U total man-nights slept outdoors 1.5
O/U amount of time spent by SweaTy and Beard tending some fire during weekend 21 hours
O/U total number of Ecker stories I will tell to Jigs at bedtime 14
SweaTy wins Best Teammate -150
Jigs makes it through Sunday night +700
O/U Kuz references 485
SweaTy complains about the 70's and 80's rock being played repeatedly -1000
Kings' head literally explodes +225

Meet the Field

The mid-week nacho break is taking a quick hiatus for the rundown of who's who in this year's events. Now, just about everyone knows everyone (save for Rhino and Thunder) but a few of us thought it would be a good idea to show everyone's resume to give an idea about everyone's past history. Naturally, some people's will be longer than others for the simple reason of experience and having competed in more events. This year's class is so strong and has no rookies. Still unsure about what Cobb plans on doing on Friday night. But I'm certain he has something planned.

The 14th member is still unknown at this point but I included The King in the rundown because he will be there and has a decorated past that needs to be celebrated! Anyway, here are the competitors:

Chris "Peezy" Perry

- 3-year Referee

- 2007-2009 Champion of The Memorial Big Buck Hunter Challenge

- Fastest Trigger Finger in the midwest

- 3-time winner of The Phillip Banks "Best Judgement" Award

- 2009 Best Dressed Award winner

- Conquerer of Biggest Bombs in Chicago (2005-06)

Kevin “Brain” Bowler
- 3-year veteran
- 2007, 2008, & 2009 Memorial Champion
- 2-time 4-Beer chug champion
- 2007 Log Toss Champion
- 2007 Eloginator Champion
- 2008 Tire Toss Champion and Current Record Holder (92’1”)
- 2008 Blind Mans Beer Champion and Current Record Holder (1:18.37)
- 2008 Log Toss Champion and Current Record Holder (59’9”)
- 2007, 2008, & 2009 Tug O War Champion
- 2009 Shuttle Run Champion and Current Record Holder (28.66)
- 2009 Great Canoe Race Champion and Current Record Holder (1:26.31)
- 3-time winner of Best Chugging Form
- Placed 3rd at the 2009 Kip Dynamite Look-a-like Contest

Tyler “Rhino” Stegman
- 1-year veteran
- 2009 Memorial Champion
- 2009 Memorial MVP
- 2009 Rookie of the Year
- 2009 Tire Toss Champion
- 2009 Tug O War Champion
- 2009 Great Canoe Race Champion (Current Record Holder)

- Descendant of Paul Bunyan

Dan “Crazylegs” Conte
- 4 year veteran
- 2007 Memorial Champion
- 2009 Memorial Runner Up
- 2006 Log Toss Champion
- 2006 Tire Toss Champion
- 2007 Tug O War Champion
- 2007 Eloginator Champion
- 1 time 4 beer chug champion (2007)
- 2009 Dead Mans Carry Champion
- 2009 Blind Mans Beer Champion
- 2009 Eliminator Champion
- 2005 graduate of Brand Walsh’s Headband School of Training

Jon "The King" Plundo
- 2-year veteran
- 2009 Memorial Runner Up
- 2008 Rookie of the Year
- 2008 Dead Man’s Carry Champion and Current Record Holder (25.15)
- 2009 Dead Man’s Carry Champion
- 2009 Blind Man’s Beer Champion
- 2008 Runner Up in Tug-O-War
- Creator and wearer of BORTS!
- Failed out of Cannonball School in April 2009 (and it showed!)

Dave “Bluebeard” Onan
- 3 year veteran
- 2008 Memorial Champion
- 2007 & 2008 Memorial MVP
- 3-time 4-Beer Chug Champion and current Record Holder (14.47) (2008, 2009 twice)
- 2007 & 2008 Shuttle Run Champion
- 2008 Blind Mans Beer winner and Record Holder (1:18.37)
- 2009 Log Toss Champion
- 2008 Tug O War Champion
- 2007 & 2008 Eliminator Champion
- 2009 E-swiminator Champion
- “Silent Assassin” award winner from 1994-current

Greg “Beekeeper” Plundo
- 4 year veteran
- 2008 Memorial Runner Up
- 3-time 4-Beer Chug Champion and current record holder (14.47)
- 2007 Dead Mans Carry Champion
- 2008 Egg Toss Champion
- 2008 Eloginator Champion
- Best Puke Trophy winner in 2009
- Shuttle Run Enthusiast
- 21-time Largest Calves Award winner

Jon “Jiggaman” Cobb
- 4 year veteran
- 2006 Memorial Runner Up
- 1-time 4-Beer chug champion
- Most Spiteful Man in the Universe winner (1999-current)
- 2007 winner of “Worst Partner” Award
- Gave Tom Waldall a noogie in 2006

- Authority of Bombs!!!

Grant “Mughandle” Holloway
- 1-year veteran
- Individually placed in 3 separate events
- Friday night Flip Cup Champion

Rick Douglas
- 4-year veteran
- 2009 Famous Egg Toss Champion and Current Record Holder (9)
- Runner Up in Opening 4-Beer Chug
- Official Memorial Opening Ceremony Key Note Speaker
- 5-time Wedgebuster Award winner for Busting Wedges
- “Heart & Soul” of the events

Joe “Nacho” Hite
- 1-year veteran
- 2009 Egg Toss Champion and Current Record Holder (9)
- Loves Nachos at various games
- 2009 Runner Up in Opening 4-Beer Chug
- Hates being scared

Matt “Rattsfield” Plundo
- 3-year veteran
- 3-time Memorial Runner-Up
- 2006 & 2008 Egg Toss Champion
- 2008 Eloginator Champion
- 2008 “Pinecone to the Fathe” Recipient
- The Memorial’s Director of Audio/Visual

Matt “Thunder” Dahar
- 2-year veteran
- 1-time 4-beer Chug Champion (2008)
- 2007 Tire Toss Champion
- Received Doctorate in Fu Manchus in 2008
- Marinara Sauce chugging champion of 2008
- Co-Founder of National Meat Day

Ty “Big SweaTy” Reese
- 2 year veteran
- 2007 Blind Mans Beer Champion
- 2007 Egg Toss Champion
- 2007 & 2009 Best Partner Award Winner
- 2009 Most Enthusiastic Award Winner
- 2009 runner-up for Best Dressed
- Unofficial 2009 Winner of “Best Team Name”
- Mike Garland Sunkist Chugging Challenge Winner (2006-2007)
- Holds Ph.D in Facial Hair
- Steve

Josh “The Biz” Becker
- 1-year veteran
- 2009 Runner Up in Blind Man’s Beer & Famous Egg Toss
- Unofficial 2009 Winner of “Best Team Name”

What a field! Can't wait! 30 days and counting!!!!!!

What a Week!!

It's been a wild, wild week for The 2010 Memorial! Joe Nacho's mid-week Nacho break, coupled with Rick's HUGE announcement really created quite a stir! Between Ricky and The Beekeeper, those Plundos love suspense! And with Rick, really, what else can be said...At this point, we are really hitting the ol' homestretch. T shirts will need to be finalize here in the next 10 days or so. Whacked back a few chugs this past weekend. Feeling confident. Thunder and Rick are paid up as well!

Really, we just need to know who will be the 14th member. The King is the hands down leader and hopefully his hernia surgery will be healed! I have a conference call scheduled with him for this week. Big things I hope!

I am putting the finishing touches on a new post and may have that ready tonight to be an appetizer for Joe's weekly nacho platter!!! I just wanted to get this up there for those clamoring for news!

Lastly, I leave you with this collage of epic heroes. All in the same pose! Coincidence?!? Only thing missing is the XV tat on Vin!