"It's About the Dudes..."

Wow. What a day! I needed a full week before I felt I could fully wrap my mind around what took place. The weekend went off without a hitch. Friday night went great aside from Big SweaTy's flight complications. All 12 competitors and referee Peezy or The Refereezy ascended upon the hills of the Appalachain Mountains. Along with the competitors was enough food to last the weekend, 1 keg of Yuengling, ten 30 packs of Busch Light, 80s Rock and a trophy case that had enough shimmering gold in it to make the trophy cases in Rooney Hall blush!

As the competitors assembled, the tire and log got broken out in a last second crash course. Bluebeard went in search of an ideal Obstacle Course site. Rick boomed with "Heyooo's". The adrenaline and excitement was at an all-time high. As soon as Big SweaTy and Thunder emerged, the cabin reached a fever pitch. Teams were ready to be drawn! All 12 names were put into the Championship trophy and Peezy would reach in and pull out 1 name and then a 2nd name. Those two individuals would then be partners for the next 24-48 hours. Peezy reached in and fished out the first names:

Returning Champion Pat Newhouse and The Jiggaman Jon Cobb! The prevailing thought in the Red Oak Chalet was that this team would definitely be a team to be reckon with! They decided to call themselves Team Mayweather. Hopefully they can co-exist more peacefully than the real Mayweathers.

The next team to be selected was the enthusiastic Rick Douglas & Matt Thunder Dahar. This team really got started with a "kick" as Thunder kicked off his shoes in a fit of joy upon hearing who he would be teamed with. These two would definitely have something to say when it came time to do the Shuttle Run and Obstacle Course they promised. The team name: Thunder & Lightning!

Next up: Big SweaTy Ty Reese and The BMOC Matt Steve. These two formed the first multi-faceted team. SweaTy would clearly be able to hold his own in the "power" events as well as show off his nimble feet. BMOC- well let's just say that BMOC came up there as one of the only people without a gut. Add that to his high school pedigree (of coming up short to Marcus Furman) and we got ourselves quite a superpower! A superpower who liked to call themselves Naked Steve & the Dance Machine! Next was the team of Rattsfield Plundo and Bluebeard. This team was a bit understated as is Bluebeard's tradition. But we all knew that Rattsfield, or 'ssssfield as it is also known as, was a man looking for redemption. Penn Scenic View was his Shawshank and we should have just called him Andy Dufresne. But what we did call them was Kenny Rogers Roasters.
This left a final 4 of The Beekeeper, Crazylegs, Bowler and Jeff "Tags" Cobb. Emotions ran high and the tension was palpable. First name chosen was the wily, grizzled old vet The Beekeeper. He got matched up with his old buddy Tags. They may have been short on size, but they more than doubled most of the other teams with intensity, form and heart. This team would be known as No Ma'am as an homage (pronounced ho-midge) to Polk High's own Al Bundy!
Which left only two competitors: Bowler or The Brain and Crazylegs Conte. This duo had just met a mere 3 hours prior, but already we got a good vibe off of one another. We definitely could go round for round with anybody in a Gut Contest. And in a contest such as The Memorial you always want to feel good about your gut. Just ask Gene for cryin' out loud!!! This team formed the name The Van Buren Boys for their admiration of the former 8th President and the street gang in NYC. So from there we were all whisked outside to the front deck for a round of chugs to see how the teams stacked up. The times were all on 1 stopwatch and it was a total team chug. Round 1 turned into Round 3 and then Round 5. We had just chugged 4 of our 30 packs in less than an hour and a half. So, the remaining 6 30 packs were sequestered to the deck and placed under Beard's Traffic Cones (very much needed).

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur to this blogger. There were rumors of some twilight tire tossing (which judging by the fact that Beard's truck was in the yard facing the runway and my shoes were buried beneath a bunch of earth, I took part in the tosses). Dahar ran through and made out with a hot chick from our high school days. Beard chopped down a tree with a hatchet. Peezy and Ty did a few keg stands. I remember Ty getting a 30 count on the keg stand. This might be my favorite part of the night. As if chugging 5 beers in a row wasn't enough, Ty does a sweet keg stand for 1/2 a minute! Yinz know...typical Memorial stuff! ____________________________________________________________________

As the rooster crowed twice we all knew that the time of reckoning had fallen upon us. It was 9:00. Competition started at 10 sharp! This was the time to get some eggs in ya, drop a deuce, get a few beers in you to coat your stomach and warn it of the 2 lukewarm Busch Lights that will be chugged in a matter of minutes. At this point the team names were officially announced. Allow me to re-cap:

1) Team Mayweather: Jon "Jiggaman" Cobb & Pat "House, MD" Newhouse

2) Thunder & Lightning: Matt "Thunder" Dahar & Rick "The Wedgebuster" Douglas

3) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine: Ty "Big SweaTy" Reese & Matt "BMOC" Steve

4) Kenny Rogers Roasters: Dave "Bluebeard" O'Nan & Matt "Rattsfield" Plundo

5) No Ma'am: Greg "The Beekeeper" Plundo & Jeff "Taglianetti" Cobb

6) The Van Buren Boys: Kevin "The Brain" Bowler & Dan "Crazylegs" Conte

Many Seinfeld references were traded. The "Our Father" was said. The Little League Pledge was said. Thunderstruck was blaring! So at that point, nothing remained but to let the games begin.

Mayweather started out like gangbusters and really set the bar high. They completed the 4-Beer Beer chug in a mere 17.99 seconds. The remaining teams rolled through their chugs with decent times but none could match the sub-18 start. A few pukes were had. A few high fives. At the end of the 1st event though, this is what we had:

Event 1- 4-Beer Beer Chug Results:
1) Team Mayweather -17.99 seconds
2) The Van Buren Boys - 26.38 seconds
3) Naked Steve & The Dance Machine - 33.97 seconds
4) No Ma'am - 50.78 seconds
5) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 52.68 seconds
6) Thunder & Lightning - 60.09 seconds

Team Mayweather nailed the opening Bonus Beer in 6.56 seconds and set the tone for the rest of the day. On to the tire toss. The Van Buren Boys came in as a front runner as did Kenny Rogers Roasters. However, it was a team that was known more for their enthusiasm than for their brute strength. Thunder & Lightning was able to steal the 1st place points in the tire toss with a monumental toss by Thunder himself. Two of the bigger guys up there - Big Sweaty and Crazylegs were disappointed in their tosses, but knew that better days were ahead. The morning had just begun. Anyway, Thunder crushed his Bonus Beer in a mere 7.66 seconds...nbd.

Event 2- Tire Toss Results:

1) Thunder (Thunder & Lightning) - 64'3''
2) Bluebeard (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 58'5''
3) Bowler (The Van Buren Boys) - 55'1''
4) Crazylegs (The Van Buren Boys) - 55'
5) Big Sweaty (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 53'3''
6) Rattsfield (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 53'1''
7) Jiggaman (Team Mayweather) - 52'7''
8) The Beekeeper (No Ma'am) - 51'8''
9) Douglas (Thunder & Lightning) - 49'4''
10) BMOC (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) -48'
11) Jeff Cobb (No Ma'am) - 44'
12) House (Team Mayweather) - 43'

Next event: Shuttle Run. For this event, we had 3 cones spread out in 10 yard intervals. Each competitor would have to run down touch the 1st cone, turn and run back to the starting rope. Touch the rope, turn and run to the 2nd cone. Return and touch the starting rope. Run down to the 3rd rope, chug a beer, touch the cone and return to the starting rope. Best individual time wins. We were all a bit nervous as this event combined sprinting and chugging. Who would do best? Nobody really knew. But we all knew we'd be foolish to not listen to a man in American Flag pants if he was giving pointers! (Note the half-assed stretch attempt by the least flexible man on the mountain!)
All of the competitors fared well and the event turned out to be easier on the stomach than we all anticipated. This was a favorite early on and Shuttle Run Enthusiast and the man who brought the Shuttle Run to the 2007 Memorial, The Beekeeper, said "It was a success from the word go! Who knows what cause I will champion next, but I do know that my legacy will always read: 'Greg Plundo- Good guy. Likes drinking. Likes Bees. Likes honey. Loves Shuttle Running!'" Bluebeard took full advantage of The Beekeepers views on Shuttle Running and took home first place with the robust time of 30.04 seconds. He also nailed his Bonus Beer in 7.02 seconds to claim that extra point and put Kenny Rogers Roasters in the early driver's seat.

Event 3- Shuttle Run Results:
1) Bluebeard (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 30.04
2) Big Sweaty (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 32.37
3) Rattsfield (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 32.41
4) Bowler (The Van Buren Boys) - 32.75
5) Thunder (Thunder & Lightning) - 33.1
6) BMOC (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 35.53
7) Legs (The Van Buren Boys) - 35.87
8) The Beekeeper (No Ma'am) - 37
9) Jiggaman (Team Mayweather) - 37.57
10) Douglas (Thunder & Lightning) - 37.63
11) House (Team Mayweather) - 37.72
12) Jeff Cobb (No Ma'am) - 40.63

At this point in the competition, Kenny Rogers Roasters was cruising.

Like "The Nuge", Kenny Rogers Roasters had a real 'Stranglehold' on the competition!!!

4th Event- The Vaunted Dead Man's Carry!!!! Never before has a Memorial Event driven men to running around a basement carrying others on their backs in December preparing for an event in May! But Dead Man's Carry has been on the minds of many a competitor who worried about carrying bigger guys like The Jiggaman, Crazylegs and Big Sweaty. As expected, the teams with the smaller, sleaker guys seemed to do very well in this event as No Ma'am claimed their 1st victory of the day with a time of 29.32. The Beekeeper really put an exclamation point on the comeback trail by hammering out a 7.82 Bonus Beer. Rather pedestrian numbers for a chugger of The Beekeeper's stature, but he may be conserving his energy for later chugs.

Event 4- Dead Man's Carry Results:
1) No Ma'am - 29.32
2) Thunder & Lightning - 29.72
3) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 32.41
4) Team Mayweather - 37.56
5) The Van Buren Boys - 38.28
6) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 38.79

Break out the blindfolds because here comes Blind Man's Beer! The event that is a crowd-pleaser for sure and is sweeping the nation! We drove up to the pinnacle of the mountain for this event. What a site to behold! A picturesque backdrop that would be sure to make Robert Goulet fall to his knees in awe of the nature - That's why I come up here!! The House took a pass on this event as he was feeling under the weather. Big Sweaty stepped up HUGE and searched for beers with Jiggaman! Quite a gesture by one Lutheran to another! Just to sum up, Blind Man's Beer is where each team must search for 4 hidden beers while blind-folded. Once all 4 beers are found the blind folds come off and the chugging starts. Teams are allowed to chug as they find the beers, however, the blindfolds must remain on until the 4th beer is found. Tough event as you are disoriented while searching then chug quickly. Naked Steve & the Dance Machine won this event despite Big SweaTy's moonlighting with Cobb's team! Maybe he learned something after his 1st trip? Who knows? But it was a performance for the ages. BMOC was unable to capitalize on the victory and finished his bonus beer in 9.2 seconds which did not fall under 8 seconds to get the extra bonus point. Could come back to haunt them in the later rounds!

Event 5- Blind Man's Beer Results:
1) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 01:25.7
2) The Van Buren Boys - 01:40.1
3) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 01:45.1
4) Thunder & Lightning - 01:49.6
5) Team Mayweather -01:52.9 Find 'em!
6) No Ma'am - 01:55.2

Making the turn the standings are as follows:
1) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 20

2) The Van Buren Boys - 16

3) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 13

4) Thunder & Lightning - 13

5) Team Mayweather - 9

6) No Ma'am - 8

At this point, we took a break that ran a little bit long as a result of the need for more beers just in case. This was a good chance to catch our breath and get some stuff in our stomach.
Starting out the afternoon events is the Log Toss. This is a good opportunity for all of the teams to set a decent tone for the afternoon. The Van Buren Boys took full advantage of the individual scoring as Bowler and Crazylegs took 1st & 2nd. After Bowler hit the Bonus Beer in 7.56 seconds, The Van B Boys walked away with 10 points in this event and cemented the fact that they weren’t ready to hand this thing over to anybody.

Event 5- Log Toss:
1) Bowler (The Van Buren Boys) - 59'9''
2) Crazylegs (The Van Buren Boys) - 48'3''
3) Jiggaman (Team Mayweather) - 44'9''
4) Big Sweaty (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 42'6''
5) BMOC (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 42'
6) Bluebeard (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 41'9''
7) Rattsfield (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 40'7''
8) Jeff Cobb (No Ma'am) - 40'5''
9) Douglas (Thunder & Lightning) - 40'1''
10) The Beekeeper (No Ma'am) - 39'2''
11) Thunder (Thunder & Lightning) - 32'4''
12) House (Team Mayweather) - DNQ

Sticking with the strength portion of the Memorial, the next event is the Tug-O-War. Break out the cleats & gloves!!! This event was also a new addition to the events. We broke off the 6 teams into a double elimination bracket-style tournament based on drawing order from the night before. The Van Buren Boys continued their winning ways despite quite a battle in the finals against Naked Steve. Crazylegs downed the Bonus Beer in an impressive 5.53 seconds to put the exclamation point on the W!

Event 7- Tug-o-War:
1) The Van Buren Boys - 4W-0L
2) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 2W-2L
3) Thunder & Lightning - 2W-2L
4) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 2W-2L
5) No Ma'am - 1W-2L
6) Team Mayweather - 0W-3L

Up next we had to figure out an obstacle course. We had plenty of options but we decided upon doing an individual timed event to give the faster guys the same opportunities that the strength guys got in the tosses. The objective of the event was to run up the hill, make the turn through the pine trees, chug a beer at the first checkpoint, run back down the hill, turn at the cone and run through the finish line where a 2nd beer is waiting for you. It was rough with the 2 chugs coupled with the sprinting. Once again though, Bluebeard hustled his way to an impressive and much needed victory to remain right on the heels of The Van Buren Boys. His 7.5 second Bonus Beer helped as well.

(Kenny Rogers Roaster searching for a victory!)

Event 8- The Eliminator:
1) Bluebeard (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 48.09
2) Bowler (The Van Buren Boys) - 53.91
3) House (Team Mayweather) - 57.97
4) BMOC (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 59.1
5) Big Sweaty (Naked Steve & the Dance Machine) - 59.59
6) Rattsfield (Kenny Rogers Roasters) - 60.59
7) Thunder (Thunder & Lightning) - 62.28
8) The Beekeeper (No Ma'am) - 68.07
9) Legs (The Van Buren Boys) - 82.75
10) Douglas (Thunder & Lightning) - 88.1
11) Jiggaman (Team Mayweather) - 90.78
12) Jeff Cobb (No Ma'am) - 93.8

Next event was the Egg Toss. This event was a little bit uneventful as we were all pretty drunk and had the agility and guile of a bull in a china shop and were dropping the eggs with alarming regularity. Naked Steve though was able to keep their act together long enough to grab a hard earned victory. Big SweaTy nailed the Bonus Beer in an impressive 5.88 seconds to seal the victory.

Event 9- Egg Toss:
1) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 7.5 throws
2) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 6
3) No Ma'am - 4
4) The Van Buren Boys - 4
5) Thunder & Lightning - 3.5
6) Team Mayweather - 2.5

Event 10 took us back to the scene of The Eliminator. We decided to add a 2nd obstacle course as a relay race. This time the total team time counted. The course was the same however for this event, you had to carry a log to the 1st check point. You would chug the beer there and drop the log off before finishing the course and tagging your partner. Your partner would then run up to that point, pick up the log and continue to the finish line. At the finish line, he would chug a beer. Stopwatch stopped as soon as the beer was downed.

In a controversial finish, The Van Buren Boys took the victory to seal the deal and cement the Overall win. Controversy arose because Rattsfield got a 5 second penalty for a "bad beer" chug. It was controversial, but decided upon in the end.

Event 10- The Eloginator:
1) The Van Buren Boys - 65.19
2) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 65.35*
3) Thunder & Lightning - 70.47
4) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 72.06
5) Team Mayweather - 79.91
6) No Ma'am - 80.28

With the victory in tow, we headed down to the pond on the premises to have a destination final. It was a grueling day, but everyone finished with pride and gusto. The Van Buren Boys really separated themselves from the pack with another victory in this event and put to bed any thoughts of controversy due to the "bad beer" ruling from The Eloginator. During this event, Bowler projectile puked on Crazylegs' chest as the chugging was occuring. This did little to stop them as they still managed to plow through and earn the 1st place points. It was quite a scene and the video will do it justice.

Victory plunge!!!

Event 11- 4 Beer Beer Chug:
1) The Van Buren Boys - 25.93
2) Team Mayweather - 26.25
3) Thunder & Lightning -32.19
4) No Ma'am -39.03
5) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine - 49.97
6) Kenny Rogers Roasters - 74.1

Final Team Standings: Total Points: Total Events Won: Bonus Beers
1) The Van Buren Boys 50 4 4
2) Kenny Rogers Roasters 36 2 2
3) Naked Steve & the Dance Machine 32 2 1
4) Thunder & Lightning 23 1 1
5) Team Mayweather 20 1 1
6) No Ma'am 13 1 1