The 2008 Memorial: A Look Back

What can I say? Another year has come and go. How quickly 365 days fly when you have sub-6 second beers to think about and train for! Before we know it we will all be sitting here in October or November thinking about how the 2009 Memorial is just 6 months away! But that is all for another day. What we have on our plate now are the stories and event recap to keep us busy for the foreseeable future.

The weekend began with a great start as Ol' Silvertop was able to score 8 free tickets behind the Suckos dugout. Good times were had as we awaited the arrival of 2007 Champ Kevin Bowler - Mr. 300! He really got his drinking weekend off to a hell of a start by chugging too many celebration beers after his LA Lakers won their playoff game.

After that we awaited the arrival of Bluebeard, the 2007 Memorial MVP who would be arriving with the newest members of The Memorial family...the Stanley Cup-esque Championship trophies! Once Beard arrived, it was all we could to not go home and chug a few beers while looking at the shimmering gold of his beautifully crafted hardware. We all exchanged theories and stories about what to expect in '08 in addition to a few stories of our most memorable moments from '07. We then traded a chug or 2 around 2:30 am. Bowler, unhappy with his 1st chug of about 7 seconds decided to go back for more. The rest of us banged ours out in no more than 7 seconds. Bowler crushed his 2nd in about 6 seconds and we all decided that we'd better try to get a good night's sleep.

Reporting day started out as good as it could: with a trip to North Oakland's finest establishment, Johnny's Place!!!! The home of the bottomless glass of water. After that, we rushed off to Greensburg to finalize our shopping, pick up our $330 beer order, pick up the t-shirts and get enough food for the weekend. In no time, we were en route to the scene of the crime!

There is no better feeling than when you make the turn into Penn Scenic View and check in! Bluebeard fumbled a few 30 packs...was this a sign of trouble to come for Bluebeard? Only time would tell and in a few short hours, we would know who would be teamed with whom. The night got kicked off with everyone arriving fairly early - about 6:30. Good times. El Jiggerino jumped into his Delorian and hit 88 MPH and went back to the year 2003 when he was a risk manager of the glamorous Pi Lambda Phi fraternity. He really made his mark on The King in regards to hazing the Greenhorn. From dumping his beer out and making The King get him a new one, to making him build a fire with 2 stones, Jigs was on his game and turned the 3 Greenhorns - The King, Cadillac and Shola - into his pledges. The Greenhorns all performed admirably and won their respective places in the lore of the 2008 Memorial.

At that point in the evening we were all feeling a decent buzz and decided that there was no better time than now to decide our fates. The weight of the Red Oak Chalet was a burden that none other than The Refereezy could handle. With the film crew rolling, Peezy reached into the trophy and pulled out the 1st names of the evening:

2-year Veteran Jeff "Justin Credible" Cobb & Newcomer Jon "The King" Plundo!! This is a very intriguing team that has some solid strength and speed. I think the only question was how well would they be able to chug? Time would tell. This team decided upon the name The Kings of Prussia after having a couple names vetoed.
Next team up: The enthusiastic team that has been 3 years in the making...Jon "Jiggaman" Cobb & Rick "The Wedgebuster" Douglas!!! These guys have been super best friends for many moons now and all of the competitors wondered what their team could accomplish. In a short 10 hours we would all find out. Until then, we would just be treated to a number of "you good?" comments that defined their team name: Uncle Jerry's Hospitality! The next team that Peezy pulled from the cup was the team of returning champion Dan "Crazylegs" Conte and Greenhorn Clint "Cadillac" Kotuby! This was a team that had many things in common. Both enjoy being wasted. Both are Eddie Money enthusiasts (although the Red Oak Chalet was bursting with Ed Heads!). Both are Pitt Panther fans. And both have a desire to win the new Cups! This team would be called Expressway to Your Heart in homage to a classic Eddie Money tune! After Peezy pulled the next 2 names out of the cup, a hush fell over the Red Oak Chalet. Returning champion Kevin "Mr. 300" Bowler and 2007 MVP Dave "Bluebeard" O'Nan. This is the 1st true mega power of 2008. Upon selection, I think it is safe to say that barring an unforeseen disaster, this could be one of the best teams in Memorial history. As Mikey Panichella would say "only time will tell" and perhaps their energy and chemistry won't mesh well? Who knows? But their team name will go down in history as a classic: Threat Level Midnight. It served as a good warning for the other teams.
Next team is a GCC delight. Matt "Thunder" Dahar and Josh "Fatzenmoyer" Shola. These two would certainly have a say in the power events and Thunder can still run around with the best of them on those 2 torn ACLs. So this team was also being considered as a front runner along with TLM.
Which meant that the final team pairing would be 2 three-year veterans. Greg "The Beekeeper" Plundo and cousin Matt "Too Many Nicknames to List" Plundo. This is a team that was foreseen weeks in advance as the two of them traded barbs and criticisms on the blog. Many considered them to be Team Turmoil. However, they settled on the more professional and fitting name of Little Giants for the two small Plundos.Once again, we were whisked to the front porch for a round of chugs to stack up where we stood. No real surprises were seen on the porch as most teams were crushing their beers in no more than 11 seconds. At this point, Cadillac & Thunder practiced the Dead Man's Carry with their much larger partners, Tires were tossed in a midnight cram session. Dahar gorged himself on chicken salad and washed it down with a bottle of spaghetti sauce??? Not even sure why that would occur? I think he puked then passed out. I know Cadillac puked in an effort to better his chugging times. He was relentless and kept wanting another! Bluebeard set up his customary sleeping spot out by the fire despite the temperatures dipping to a chilly 45 degrees. This was tradition afterall!!! He wasn't about to let a little hypothermia and frostbite keep him from channeling Cam Johnson's Outdoorsmen spirit!

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The morning started with me waking up and saying in a legitimately worried tone: "Did Bluebeard freeze to death?" Which Beard answered in the only way he knows how - matter of factly - "No, I came inside at like 3." We had about an hour til the events would kick off with the vaunted 4 Beer Beer chug.

Teams were mentally preparing. Beers were being set up. Van Halen was blaring. Yep, the 2008 Memorial had officially begun.

Officially the following names were announced as the 2008 Memorial competitors:

1) The Kings of Prussia - The King & Justin Credible

2) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - The Wedgebuster & Jiggaman

3) Expressway to Your Heart - Cadillac & Legs
4) Threat Level Midnight - Bluebeard & Mr. 300

5) Sweep the Leg - Thunder & Fatzenmoyer

6) Little Giants - The Beekeeper & Psycho T

Obviously, the Little League pledge was said, a few other pre-game traditions and the games began.

The Four Beer Beer Chug was able to take down just about every competitor and made us all puke. Even Ol' Iron Stomach Bluebeard puked a little foam back up. But it wasn't enough to stop Threat Level Midnight as they crushed the opening event in a new Memorial record of 17.41 seconds. All of the times were much improved from the 2007 Memorial which provided a pretty solid level of high expectations. Bowler nailed his bonus beer in an exceptional time of 5.93 and the games were off and running. When asked how setting a new record felt, Bluebeard replied "It feels good. I am pleased" and walked away.

Event 1- 4-Beer Beer Chug Results:
1) Threat Level Midnight: 17.41 (New Memorial Record)

2) Little Giants: 20.31

3) Sweep the Leg: 21.1

4) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality: 26.72

5) The Kings of Prussia: 42.62

6) Expressway to Your Heart: 51.54

On to the tire toss. The terrain for the toss was a bit rough as the previous week's rain had puddled up a bit in our ideal throwing area. After a little delay to chart out a new course, we started off. Expressway to Your Heart, throwing 1st after coming in last in the previous event, set a solid tone with a new Memorial record throw of 70'11'' by Crazylegs. However, he knew that there was plenty of competition and far too many solid competitors to follow to feel safe. But we knew that a new record would be set one way or another. Throw after throw came up just shy, and Shola's 2nd throw rolled just inches short of the new mark. But last up was Denver's best Tire Tossin' Form teacher. Would his form, heart and training pay off? The first throw came up a mere foot shy of the 1st place mark. On the last tire toss of the day, Bowler launched a throw that will only be beaten if a miraculous bounce occurs again. He not only bombed it, but it bounced, stood back up and rolled an extra 20 feet. His new mark was a monumental toss of 92'1''!!!!! Somewhere Martin Van Buren was smiling widely as he saw the following on the scoresheet:

Event 2- Tire Toss Results:
1) Bowler (Threat Level Midnight) - 92'1'' (New Memorial Record)
2) Crazylegs (Expressway to Your Heart) - 70'11''
3) Jiggaman (Uncle Jerry's Hospitality) - 62'2''
4) Jeff Cobb (The Kings of Prussia) - 60'9''
5) Shola (Sweep the Leg) - 59'11''
6) The King (KoP) - 59'1''
7) Ricky Douglas (Uncle Jerry) - 58'2''
8) Ratty T (Little Giants) - 57'4''
9) Bluebeard (TLM) - 54'2''
10) Cadillac (Expy to Your Heart) - 51'6''
11) The Beekeeper (LG) - 51'5''
12) Thunder (Sweep) - 48'8''

An indicator of the level of talent that was on hand this year is that 2007 Tire Toss Champion, Thunder Dahar came in last place. Just goes to show you that the Tire Toss is an event that can reward you or penalize you all on how well the tire bounces. Anyway, Bowler showed that Beard is not the only fast chugger on Threat Level Midnight as he crushed his bonus beer in an impressive 5.19! The training paid off!!

Next up: Shuttle Run! The Beekeeper was once again asked how he felt heading into the event that he made famous: "I feel great. Any day that I get to run while touching cones, is a great day in my books. Remember the Presidential Challenge in 6th grade gym classes? Yeah, the one with the erasers! I used to own those, and I feel like in time, I can own this event as well! Woo!"

We all got down to work but the end result was more of the same as 2007 Returning Shuttle Run Champ Bluebeard continued his domination of the event with a blistering time of 29.22 (a new record...again). The highlight of the event was when Bowler tripped over nothing and went head first into the ground. Not to be done in by that misstep, Bowler was still able to scramble to the finish line quick enough to take home 3rd place honors. It was a sight that only the video does justice! The Shuttle Run shook out as follows.

Event 3- Shuttle Run Results:
1) Bluebeard (Threat Level Midnight) - 29.22 (New Memorial Record)
2) Rattsfield (Little Giants) - 29.84
3) Bowler (TLM) - 30.00
4) Crazylegs (Expressway to Your Heart) - 31.4
5) The Beekeeper (LG) - 31.44
6) Ricky D (Uncle Jerry's Hospitality) - 34.09 (penalty)
7) Thunder (Sweep the Leg) - 34.22
8) Jiggaman (UJH) - 35.09
9) The King (Kings of Prussia) - 36.06
10) Jeff Cobb (KoP) - 36.33
11) Shola (Sweep) - 39.38
12) Cadillac (XTYH) - 41.6 (penalty)

Don't look now, but The Little Giants just took home 2 places in that event and are threatening to make this thing a race!

Little Giants are searching for a W!

Dead Man's Carry is coming up next. The event that causes grown men to practice carrying others around on their backs. Should be interesting this year with Shola being thrown into the mix. His 270 lb frame made Dahar look like he was carrying a gorilla. The event was a great one and had a couple of tough falls. Threat Level Midnight crashed at the finish line. Expressway to Your Heart fell as Cadillac jumped on Legs' back. That makes it 2 years in a row that Legs' chicken legs were not strong enough to carry a much smaller partner. Once again, the video should be amazing for this event. The Kings of Prussia were finally able to wrestle a bonus beer out of the reach of Threat Level Midnight. The camouflage pants really came through! That makes it 2 years in a row that Justin Credible did just as his name would indicate on Dead Man's Carry! He owns that event!!!! The overall results:

Event 4- Dead Man's Carry Results:
1) The Kings of Prussia - 25.15 (New Memorial Record)
2) Little Giants - 28.53
3) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 29.97
4) Threat Level Midnight - 30.91
5) Expressway to Your Heart - 32.56
6) Sweep the Leg - 32.72

The King nailed his Bonus Beer in 6.52 and showed that Threat Level Midnight is not the only team that can chug a Bonus Beer. If only we could prevent them from winning to prove it!

Next event is Blind Man's Beer. We went up to the usual spot at the top of the mountain for this terrific event. Sweep the Leg went first and set the bar remarkably low. Their time resulted in a 5-minute plus time. Litte Giants came out and made Sweep the Leg's time look fast as they labored and rolled around for a whole minute and 15 seconds longer. The laughs were plenty as these two teams struggled. But, Threat Level Midnight was all business as they stepped up and knocked back a new record time.

Event 5- Blind Man's Beer Results:

1) Threat Level Midnight - 1:18.37 (New Memorial Record)
2) Expressway to Your Heart - 1:32.47
3) The Kings of Prussia - 2:16.84
4) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 4:28.97
5) Sweep the Leg - 5:31.87
6) Little Giants - 6:45.09

Bluebeard took down the Bonus Beer in 5.72 seconds and continued to roll up the points at a record setting pace. Also, at this point in the game only 1 Bonus Beer had been "missed in 2 years of competition...The BMOC's in 2007. What a shame!

Next up is The Famous Egg Toss. The last event before lunchtime. This event got off to a bit of a rough start as Jiggaman launched an egg from about 40 yards away that nailed The Beekeeper square in the back. It even broke the skin. It was a throw that would make Kordell Stewart blush! When asked about it Jigs stated: "I saw a window and had to try. I've always admired Brad Dvorsky and his throwing motion so any chance I get that I can try to perfect my Dvorsky Form I take it. Greg just happened to be on the receiving end. I feel bad for him...I, like Dvorsky, can really wing it!!" The Egg Toss went back and forth but in the end the softest hands on the mountain took home the points. Matt "Juan Williams" Plundo and The Beekeeper took home their first event W of the season. Their enthusiasm bubbled over. Many people wonder if The Plundo boys honed their craft of tossing eggs during their youths while running around with that "bad crowd" in the neighborhoods of Wendover and Farmington and tossing Grade As at houses. I wonder how many school projects he had where he had to take care of an egg for a weekend to simulate parenthood. 20 times? Either way, somewhere along the lines, Ol' Silvertop really learned how to treat an egg properly!!

Event 6: The Famous Egg Toss
1) Little Giants - 4
2) Sweep the Leg - 3.5
3) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 3.5
4) The Kings of Prussia - 2.5
5) Threat Level Midnight - 1
6) Expressway to Your Heart - 0.5

The Beekeeper wasted very little time getting his bonus beer down in 5.4 seconds.

Lunch time came next. Time to rest a bit and lick your wounds. Cadillac decided to lay down for a few moments. Never a good idea for a Memorial competitor. Could be a Greenhorn mistake that might cost his team? At the break the scoreboard read as follows:

1) Threat Level Midnight - 30
2) Little Giants - 19
3) The Kings of Prussia - 14
4) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 13
5) Expressway to Your Heart - 11
6) Sweep the Leg - 9

The afternoon portion started out with a fan favorite: The E-Log-Inator. This event is a relay style race that include running up a hill with a log and chugging a beer. Tough event as it combines running, chugging & carrying a log. The Little Giants continued their winning ways with a quick time of 56.85. That's 2 events in a row that Threat Level Midnight failed to win. When asked whether he was worried, Bowler said "I am not worried, but I would like to win a few more events. I'm pretty thirsty and those bonus beers are the perfect way to stay hydrated!" Bluebeard chimed in by simply adding "I want to win the next event."

(Please note: I don't have any pictures from the running events on my camera. If you slackers would get your pictures online, then this section would be much more interesting! As Mr. Strickland would say "SLACKERS!!")

Event 7- The Eloginator:

1) Little Giants - 56.85 (New Memorial Record)
2) Threat Level Midnight - 58.54
3) The Kings of Prussia - 63.22
4) Sweep the Leg - 65.06
5) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 65.31
6) Expressway to Your Heart - 80.28

Rattsfield took down his bonus beer in 6.34 seconds for an extra point. At this point it was turning into a 2-team race with the other 4 teams battling it out for trophy placings and trying to avoid the Male Figure Skater.

The next event up is the Log Toss. Defending champion Mr. 300 Kevin Bowler was the man to keep an eye on in this event. He did not disappoint. He took the crown again for Threat Level Midnight. The major development in this event was the emergence of the Plundo family as a power family! Specifically, the Little Giants proved that they are a team who could steal some points in a power event. Long known for their failures in the throws, The Beekeeper and Easy Mac Plundo each placed in the event, further distancing themselves from the rest of the pack. The Beekeeper was overheard telling MC Balance: "Put that on my review!!!" A disappointed Crazylegs, runner-up in this event last year, was quoted as saying, "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!" The Ol' Expressway is leading directly to Disappointment City!

Event 8- Log Toss:
1) Bowler (Threat Level Midnight) - 47'09''
2) Ratty T (Little Giants) - 46'06''
3) The Beekeeper (LG) - 45'11''
4) Thunder (Sweep the Leg) - 43'08''
5) The King (The Kings of Prussia) - 43'02''
6) Jiggaman (Uncle Jerry's Hospitality) - 42'
7) Ricky D (UJH) - 40'11''
8) Crazylegs (Expressway to Your Heart) - 40'5''
9) Jeff Cobb (KoP) - 39'05''
10) Bluebeard (TLM) - 38'06''
11) Shola (Sweep) - 38'
12) Clint (XTYH) - DNQ

Bowler took yet another bonus beer down in 5.91 seconds. The streak continues!!

Next event up is the much vaunted Eliminator. We tried to lengthen it this year but I don't know if we actually succeeded. But the event was still a challenge. Threat Level Midnight continued their dominance in anything running related and took home 1st & 2nd places. Once again, Little Giants took a few more points to really put the exclamation point on their incredible day. Let's face it, nobody was going to beat Threat Level Midnight, but in an ordinary year, the Little Giants would easily challenge for the Cups.

Event 9- The Eliminator:

1) Bluebeard (Threat Level Midnight) - 38.34 (New Memorial Record)
2) Bowler (TLM) - 38.94
3) The Beekeeper (Little Giants) - 45.94
4) Ratty T (LG) - 49.52
5) Crazylegs (Expressway to Your Heart) - 52.64
6) The King (The Kings of Prussia) - 54
7) Jiggaman (Uncle Jerry's Hospitality) - 59.75 penalty
8) Ricky (Uncle Jerry's Hospitality) - 62.59
9) Cadillac (XTYH) - 63.75
10) Thunder (Sweep the Leg) - 64.29
11) Jeff Cobb (KoP) - 87.47
12) Shola (Sweep) - DNQ penalties

Could the high number of chugs be catching up to Beard? Possibly. He has done 1000 of them today. But he still did it in plenty of time as he finished his bonus beer in 7.9 seconds.

Next event up is the Tug-O-War. A grueling battle of wills that can really take the wind out of a team. Returning champ Bowler continued his dominance with the rope as he rolled through the event undefeated for the 2nd consecutive year. Threat Level Midnight rolled through the bracket and stole first place points for the 7th event of the day. An impressive showing by the Threat!! The best part of event may have been when The King put the Kings of Prussia on his back and nearly carried them to an upset victory. His performance in this event will live in Memorial legend. Jeff Cobb was also Justin Credible in this event helping The Kings take 2nd place. Little Giants winning ways came to an end and Expressway to Your Heart lost all of their matches as well to tie for last. A new wrinkle says that if your team fails to win at least 1 match you forfeit any points. So they each tied for last place. But Uncle Jerry did a fine job as did Sweep the Leg to round out the scoring.

Event 10: Tug-O-War
1) Threat Level Midnight - 4W-0L
2) The Kings of Prussia - 3W-2L
3) Sweep the Leg - 2W-1L
4) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 1W-2L
6) Expressway to Your Heart - 0W-2L
6) Little Giants - 0W-2L

Bluebeard finally was unable to get the bonus beer down in time. It was only a matter of time especially when you consider that Threat Level Midnight had this thing sewn up since lunchtime.

Last event of the day: Final 4 Beer Beer Chug. There was some serious dragging during this event. We had some tired bodies up on the mountain. However, everybody finished strong and competed until the whistle. Sweep the Leg was able to take down the fastest time and took home 1st place points. A strong finish that allowed them to wrap up 4th place.

Event 11- 4 Beer Beer Chug:
1) Sweep the Leg - 26.03
2) Little Giants - 26.25
3) Threat Level Midnight - 27.12
4) Expressway to Your Heart - 32.1 (penalty)
5) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality - 34.81 (penalty)
6) The Kings of Prussia - 41.53

The final standings stood at:

Final Team Standings: Total Points: Total Events Won: Bonus Beers Earned:
1) Threat Level Midnight 58 7 6
2) Little Giants 41 2 2
3) The Kings of Prussia 22 1 1
4) Sweep the Leg 21 1 0
5) Uncle Jerry's Hospitality 17 0 0
6) Expressway to Your Heart 14 0 0

The trophy presentation was next and everyone was happy to close the book on another successful Memorial campaign. Bluebeard left with his 2nd straight MVP trophy cementing his legend up at the Red Oak Chalet. Bowler came in a close 2nd and cemented the fact that he will always have a say in who leaves with the championship trophies.

The Pens game was next. They lost and played like shit, but still it turned out to be a great night to close out a great weekend! We'll see yinz guys next year.

Stay tuned for the video of the events. Should be a tremendous time. Hopefully that will be up and running soon.