Friday, May 25, 2007

D-Day!

It's here! It's finally here! May 25, 2007 - Reporting Date! The excitement is reaching a full boil. Everybody that I talk to is giddy with excitement and feels like a 9 year old waiting for Christmas to finally arrive. There hasn't been this much excitement in the Tri-State Area since Joe Grushecky & The Houserockers got back together!

I just picked up the t-shirts. I feel confident as a t-shirt aficionado that these are some of my finest work. I am extremely proud of these guys. The only thing left is a sweet trip down to Beverage Warehouse by Offutt Field. What a great order we're going to be picking up: Ten 30 packs of Busch Light and a Keg of Yuengling! Wooo! After that, we're off to Sam's Club for a shopping spree that would make David Ruprecht of Supermarket Sweep blush.

Lastly, to all of the men & women serving in the Armed Forces in Iraq...we will be dedicating our performances to your honor. Every chug that we down will be taken with a nod toward the soldiers! "The King" will be honored in absencia before the festivities begin tonight. You all are much tougher and better men than any of us. As Col. Nathan Jessup said:

"We use words like "honor," "code," "loyalty." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!"

To that end, we say: Thank you and we'll see you soon!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The Heat is On!

The final week is upon us all. 7 days 'til 7 Springs! As Dave Cobb's favorite music group - ELO - would say "We're headed for a showdown!" Over the course of the next 7 days, try to keep up on the training. With National Meat Day arriving this weekend, I know that those who choose to celebrate will have a nice springboard into next weekend. Dahar mentioned to me the possibility of buying a Beer Bong this weekend. I have to admit that I haven't bonged a beer in years. However, I may have to decline the bong in favor of chugging beers with a stopwatch. This is crunch time after all!!

At this point, pretty much all of the preparations have been made. The t-shirts have been ordered. The reservations have been made. Beer will be purchased this weekend. We also have a few pleasant surprises up our collective sleeves - just ensure that you all bring your "A" games! The competition will prove to be much tougher than it was last year with the inclusion of 4 more competitors (and that is no knock on last year's because that was quite a time). But the quality of competition is much improved as well. We traded Cheerleader & Gene for Ty, Dahar, O'Nan, Jeff Cobb, Bowler, Matt Steve! That is quite an upgrade right there. Now I do realize that Cheerleader & Gene did bring a disgusting physique to the table and in a competition among "Man's Men" that will bring you some serious bonus points. Keep in mind that we will be complying with Scott Walker's drinking rules. If anyone is unfamiliar with the movie or with Scott's work, just remember this: When you are not chugging it is fully expected that you have a beer in your hand and you will be expected to down quite a few non-competition beers. I'd like to take this time to acknowledge Pat House, MD as the only returning champion as Gene was not able to make this year's events. He took home the Plastic WWF belt from Wal-Mart with pride. His team was rather stellar and pulled out the close victory last year. He will definitely be someone to keep an eye on during the "pairings meetings." His training and work ethic has been evident since last July. He has been throwing tires, logs and other apparatus' while chugging beers for close to 9 months in preparation. Jon Cobb & Matt Plundo came in a respectable but "disappointing 2nd" in their words. The W was there for the taking but they were edged out by Pat & Gene. The Jiggaman took the loss hard. He called out his teammate Matt for poor play and a rift has been built up. It will be interesting to see if they get teamed up again for round 2. Matt has since been nicknamed Rattsfield for his Doug Maxfield impersonation. He bathed in his beers and could seldom swallow. The judges will have their collective handsfull with Rattsfield come the 3rd or 4th events. My teammate, Rick Douglas and I came in a disappointing yet gratifying 3rd place. We won 2 of the events out right and very nearly won the whole thing had "The Eliminator" not kicked our ass like it is designed to do. "Car Ramrod", the brainchild of Greg "The Beekeeper" Plundo and Cheerleader came in a laughable 4th place. After taking the opening event, 4-beer beer chug, they came in last place in every event. It was a sad state of affairs to be sure. However, I know that Gar-O & Eileen had to have tears of joy and been choked up with pride while watching Rick & Greg rolling around with wet goggles on looking for beers to chug in their backyard.

Be careful of the post-event drinking. After chugging close to a 12-pack last year, I was not really feeling in the mood to drink another 5-10 beers. So, Greg and I decided that RBVs (anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of drinking with Rick knows these as Red Bull Vodkas) would be a good idea. Well 2 RBVs later and we had coined the phrase "When the beer is gone it's time to move on" without even knowing it. It wasn't until 2 weeks later that someone told me that I said that for 3 hours that night. All in all, the 2006 Memorial was a fun time. However, I truly believe that 2007 Memorial will be one to live in infamy. This will be the event to set the tone for the next 10 years - Dan White-style! Anyway...train hard, throw hard, live hard, die hard! See ya on the hill!!!