The Memorial: April 2008

So, what event is the hardest? That is a difficult question to answer. Every event affects a guy differently. Some of the bigger guys prefer the "Power Events" while the smaller faster guys hate the throwing events and Tug-O-War. After seeing the spill that Greg took during a Tug-O-War battle last year, I'd say it's a safe assumption that he isn't too fond of that event.

But I thought that this would provide a good spark of conversation and debate. Nobody is right. Nobody is wrong. It's all your opinion. Anyway, here is how I break down my top 5 difficult events (from least to most difficult).

5) 4-Beer Beer Chug (Opener):

This is a difficult way to start your day at 10:00 am: Chug two beers as fast as you can. It is a tall task to be sure. It is imperative to set the tone for your team right off the bat and helps to get you started properly. It is not overly important to win this event but it clearly helps to get some points.

All eyes are on you and it's time to put up or shut up! This may help you...this may hurt you. Only time will tell. But it's quite a way to start your morning and the only way to do it up in the mountains!

4) Shuttle Run:

Once again, it is my opinion that the events that include running & chugging are some of the more difficult events. This one wasn't as hard as I originally feared, but it can be tough when you're sprinting 50+ yards with a chug at the end of that run. Sweaty showed that this event can be won by running under control with a quick chug and proper form. He really showed us all that anybody can excel at any event regardless of size. Bluebeard also had an amazing time in the Shuttle Run. Greg showed that passion and love for an event doesn't necessarily translate to points and BMOC showed that speed and being in shape won't win you any events outright either.

3) Dead Man's Carry:

This is an event that I should not worry myself with as one of the heavier guys up there because I don't have to worry about carrying me around. But I think that this is one of the tougher events regardless of weight. We all want to get to the checkpoint as fast as possible. As a result of that anxiousness, it is very easy to try to run too fast and fall over. I tried to run like I could normally run as soon as Bowler jumped on my back last year. And I failed to take into account that I had an extra dude on my back. I did a face plant. I also saw Big Sweaty do the same thing with BMOC on his back. It's just something that we don't expect and is tough to prepare for.

I did see a few people who executed this event flawlessly and their times reflected that. No Ma'am and Kenny Rogers Roasters were two that come to mind.

2) Blind Man's Beer:

Blind Man's Beer is a tough event for everyone. First, any time you combine dizziness with chugging you will more than likely come up with an ugly result. I have seen more people puke during Blind Man's Beer the past two years than any other event. It is a given that you're gonna lose it. You just never know when. So, you have that hanging over your head. I think it's just a tough, tough event on you and it is far enough into the day that you are already a little bit drunk and full.

1) The Eliminator:

I find The Eliminator to be the most difficult event at The Memorial. It does exactly what the name would indicate: it eliminates the weak! Not only does this event involve the most running of all of the events, but it combines the running with two separate beer chugs. To me, there is nothing more difficult than chugging a beer while out of breath.
This event made me puke hard last year and apparently was one of the few events that made Bluebeard lose his lunch. Not sure if he actually puked here or was just out of breath.

What do yinz think? What events do you think are most difficult and why???

Bluebeard takes some notes.....

BOOM! He's on his back! Welcome back after a long break. The Madden-style rankings have been compiled as well as a short description of each competitor. We also had our resident referee, Peezy, chime in with his opinions as well.

What we have to follow is two sets of rankings. The first set is entirely subjective. This is all based off of the 2007 Memorial. The second set is The Refereezy's objective opinion. He withheld his opinions of Clint & The King as he has never seen them in action. The Committee took it upon themselves to project where the two of them would lie during competition. The rankings are broken down into five separate categories.

They include: Chugging Ability, Enthusiasm, Running Ability, Strength & Intangibles (Blind Man's Beer & Egg Toss).

Disclaimer: This ranking is 100% for fun. We felt we need to discuss something during the coming weeks to get us to Memorial Day. In no way do we mean to belittle anybody or hurt anyone's feelings. That said, if you don't like how you were ranked feel free to defend yourself here for discussions sake but I hope it helps you prepare and get ready to prove yourself come May 24, 2008!!!!!

Now, with that said...onto the rankings!

Greg "The Beekeeper" Plundo (Performance Based)

Chugging – 88
Enthusiasm – 90
Running Ability – 82
Strength – 71
Intangibles – 84

Peezy's Ranking

Chugging – 91
Enthusiasm – 99
Running Ability – 88
Strength – 82
Intangibles – 88

Most reminds me of…..Tom "Ballgame" Waldall. Greg is a savvy veteran of The Memorial. He gives his all and competes to the whistle every year. He has yet to overcome his smaller stature, but like “Ballgame,” because of his solid form, loud pukes and chugging ability, Greg is a threat to win in any given year if he gets a little luck at the pairings meeting. Greg is coming off of two consecutive last place finishes, but he is motivated to climb out of the cellar. Whether he can overcome his thick, hairy trunks he calls legs to run to victory remains to be seen. “Ballgame” and Greg are both well-known and well-respected because of their memorable quotes and hilarious pukes.

Dave "Bluebeard" O'Nan (Performance Based)

Chugging – 86
Enthusiasm – 59
Running Ability – 97
Strength – 84
Intangibles – 99

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 85
Enthusiasm – 95
Running Ability – 93
Strength – 88
Intangibles – 90

Most reminds me of…..a cross between Cam Johnson & Jonny Lovern. Bluebeard brings Cam Johnson’s love for the great outdoors and successful track record at the Memorial and combines it with Jonny Love’s grit and desire to finish strong and work hard. Beard – much like Jonny Love – very seldom puked in 2007 and was the driving & calming force on his team. Like Cam, Beard slept outside in a sleeping bag by the fire. Bluebeard is a silent assassin who is a perfect meshing of strength, form, speed and hard work.

Jon "Jiggaman" Cobb (Performance Based)

Chugging – 91
Enthusiasm – 88
Running Ability – 80
Strength – 82
Intangibles – 80

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 98
Enthusiasm – 93
Running Ability – 90
Strength – 93
Intangibles – 91

Most reminds me of…..Brad "The Sink" Bower. Both The Sink and The Jiggaman are great competitors who have been held back by their partners inability to handle the beers. While Bower’s partner was awesome, he collapsed in the bushes after having far too many non-competition beers and struggled his way to the finish. Jigga’s partner, who was not so awesome, collapsed after the days 3rd event and struggled his way to the cabin. The Jiggaman has a good combination of strength, speed, spite, and chugging abilities and will be competing with a chip on his shoulder this year. Never underestimate a spiteful, hungry Jiggaman.

Dan "Crazylegs" Conte (Performance Based)

Chugging – 98
Enthusiasm – 90
Running Ability – 87
Strength – 94
Intangibles – 94

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 99
Enthusiasm – 99
Running Ability – 84
Strength – 96
Intangibles – 90

Most reminds me of…..Dan White. As a member of the defending champions and the leader of the Memorial, Legs is a mirror image of Dan White. They are both big, strong SOB’s that can chug, throw, and pull with the best of them in the competition and they share a mutual love of T-Shirt making. If that isn’t enough, they share the same first name….Dan!!! (ranked & written by The Beekeeper)

Matt "Rattsfield" Plundo (Performance Based)

Chugging – 82
Enthusiasm – 84
Running Ability – 83
Strength – 75
Intangibles – 89

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 83
Enthusiasm – 93
Running Ability – 90
Strength – 81

Intangibles – 87

Most reminds me of….Doug Maxfield. Ratt left the 2006 Memorial with the nickname Rattsfield, because of his Maxfield-esque ability to spill (or spit out) half of his beer on himself. Like Maxfield, Rattsfield (aka Topsfield) is a solid, veteran competitor with a good track record in The Memorial, boasting two 2nd place finishes. Rattsfield can be a surly son of a bitch who rubs some people the wrong way because of his negativity but he has sure hands and his body of work in the Egg Toss is legendary. Maxfield has rubbed many people in his group the wrong way with his penchant for bathing in his beers and – like Rattsfield with his silver hair – he is considered the “old man” of the group because of his looks and attitude.

Ty "Big Sweaty" Reese (Performance Based)

Chugging – 89
Enthusiasm – 86
Running Ability – 85
Strength – 85
Intangibles – 94

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 90

Enthusiasm – 91

Running Ability – 88

Strength – 90

Intangibles – 95

Most reminds me of…..Cam Johnson. Big Sweaty is just what the name would indicate: a big, hairy guy who was born for an event like The Memorial. He is extremely well-rounded – as he showed last year with his prowess in speed, power and chugging events – and is a team player. We all remember his performance with The Jiggaman during Blind Man’s Beer. Sweaty is a hard-partying guy with a laid back persona …much like Cam Johnson. They each enjoy the outdoors and have a history of serious injury. Cam Johnson’s full beard and amazing outfits also provide a further link between the two. Sweaty’s bright yellow Colorado State t-shirt was one for the ages! Most saw Sweaty as strictly a big guy with a fast chug time, but he laid that claim to rest with the silkiest smooth Shuttle Run this side of the Appalachians!

Matt "Thunder" Dahar (Performance Based)

Chugging – 88
Enthusiasm – 93
Running Ability – 87
Strength – 90
Intangibles – 85

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 92
Enthusiasm – 90
Running Ability – 90
Strength – 94
Intangibles – 88

Most reminds me of…..Scott Walker. Thunder emerged on the 2007 Memorial scene with the presence that his nickname would suggest. He came out of the blocks with a solid showing in the first 2 events before winning the third event, The Tire Toss, outright. Scott Walker performed exactly the same way in The Outdoorsmen. He owned the first few events. Furthermore, like Scott Walker, Thunder took his teammate – Rick Douglas – under his wing and taught him some technique and form that helped propel Thunder & Lightning to a respectable finish. Thunder and Scott Walker are both capable of being the fastest guy in an event, the strongest guy in an event or the quickest chugger in an event. That’s what makes these two so intriguing. However, Dahar has a history of getting blacked out and over-the-top wasted (outside The Memorial) that hints at a strong correlation to Scott Walker’s black out during The Outdoorsmen.

Rick "The Wedgebuster" Douglas (Performance Based)

Chugging – 80
Enthusiasm – 99
Running Ability – 83
Strength – 79
Intangibles – 87

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 88

Enthusiasm – 95

Running Ability – 91

Strength – 82

Intangibles– 91

Most reminds me of…..Scott Walker. Rick Douglas is generally the most enthusiastic guy in any room he enters. This is true up on the mountains as well. Ricky is like Scott Walker in that they both make their respective events the time of their lives. Rick booms with “Heyoos” from the time we report until we check out of the Red Oak Chalet. His enthusiasm is infectious and if you are lucky enough to be partnered up with him, you’re in for one roller coaster of a ride. Rick & Scott Walker are similarly built and have similar strengths. Scott relies on toughness and pride to get through certain events…so does Rick. While typically not the strongest guy in the room, they are both the proudest. Their final similarity is that they are known to have sloping days. Scott started out like gangbusters and wound up limping to the finish. Rick on the other hand started out slowly, but under the tutelage of his teammate was able to finish strong and have optimism for his 2008 performance!

Kevin "Mr. 300" Bowler (Performance Based)

Chugging – 93
Enthusiasm – 87
Running Ability – 91
Strength – 96
Intangibles – 88

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 98

Enthusiasm – 95

Running Ability – 85

Strength – 95

Intangibles – 93

Most reminds me of…..Rob “East” McAllister. By taking a quick look at Bowler during the 2007 Memorial you would probably associate his name with Tom Waldall because of the cut-off jean shorts. However, if you take a closer look you will see a better parallel with Rob “East” McAllister. They both were newbies who got teamed up with a veteran partner to win the championship. Like East during the final Iron Man event, Bowler was equally as integral to The Van Buren Boys’ success by winning the Log Toss and placing second in three other events. While East chose to represent Led Zeppelin at all times, Bowler took the subtle route and supported The Bloodhound Gang. Bowler is a strong player who has perfect form on all of his throws. He is also extremely nimble and capable of winning any of the running events. Lastly, like East, Bowler made it a habit to clear his stomach during and after events which likely enabled him to chug that much faster.

Jon "The King" Plundo (Projected)

Chugging – 80

Enthusiasm – 84

Running Ability – 84

Strength – 82

Intangibles – 87

Most reminds me of…..TBD on The Hill

Jeff "Tags" Cobb (Performance Based)

Chugging – 79
Enthusiasm – 86
Running Ability – 82
Strength – 80
Intangibles – 84

Peezy's Rankings

Chugging – 85

Enthusiasm – 88
Running Ability – 88
Strength – 81
Intangibles – 89

Most reminds me of…..Steve Varnell. Ol’ Justin Credible is a competitor with a lot of potential. He had his moments in 2007 and definitely showed that he belonged. However, he had trouble with the constant strain that chugging can have on a competitor. Jeff is definitely one of the most athletic guys up there, as his hockey career will attest to. He just needs to feel more comfortable. Once things click for Jeff the sky is the limit. His performance in Dead Man’s Carry is one that we will remember for years. The strength is there, but like, Steve Varnell, Jeff is a “smaller” guy that may have trouble throwing his weight around with the guys with guts. He is a scrapper who will still be standing at the end of the night. Also, having played under the direction of former Penguin Peter Taglianetti, Jeff has the attributes of a coach’s son. Some of the intangibles that a Memorial competitor must have.

Clint "Cadillac" Kotuby (Projected)

Chugging – 85
Enthusiasm – 95
Running Ability – 86
Strength – 80
Intangibles – 82

Most reminds me of…..TBD on The Hill

Peezy The Refereezy

Whistle Skills – 99
Judgment – 99
Respect Level – 99
Dedication – 99

Most reminds me of…..Peezy! No one compares to The Refereezy! His dedication to our cause is unrivaled. He is loyal to The Memorial and acts accordingly with the unbridled enthusiasm that led to Billy Mumphry’s downfall. He doesn’t allow personal beliefs or thoughts to enter into his refereeing. Further, the level of respect that each competitor holds for The Refereezy is off the charts. I have never seen a Peezy call challenged and I assume I never will. He smokes weed all day and yet his judgment is spot on time after time after time! The Refereezy is so quick and good with a whistle that he has been called a young Mills Lane.